Pain Management

Today was 'Rip the tape of Husband's Back Day'. I, myself, have been looking forward to it. Husband...not so much. Anyhoo....R-I-P!! Ta da!! Tape be gone. It wasn't that bad, he said. Not like regular adheasive tape.

It is time to attach the Ultima 5 TENS Unit. This is a "symptomatic treatment which as such suppresses the sensation of pain'...or so it says. Let me see....instructions...hmmm...Warnings: Nope Husband not pregnant - No children around to touch it - No Pacemaker - Won't be driving  tractor...ok...we're good to go.

OK. First...I shall stick the 'pads' to Husband's back. Let's go ahead and use all 4 of them. More is definitely better...don't you think?? I do. OK. Pads on.

Now...we stick the 'leads' into the 'pads'. Then, stick the 'other lead end' into the 'jack'. Shit. Wait a second...I think I did that backwards. (I always read a book from back to front) Oh well...it's all plugged in.

"What are you doing back there?" He is very impatient.

"Plugging this thing in...hold on a minute." I am still reading the instructions. Yes...I know the VA nurse told me what to do but that was 5-6 days ago! Everything looks to be in the proper place.

"OK...do you feel anything?" I am pushing blue buttons and turning knobs as I speak.

"I don't feel a f**king thing. I think you should put the tape back on. This isn't doing anything."

"Well hold on a minute...give it a chance. Lay down and let me read this book a little more."

So he lays down on the bed...turning knobs...punching buttons..and all of a sudden......

"HOLY JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY MOTHER FUCKER!"

"What happened??" I practically fall out of the chair from the shock of the scream. "Did you feel something?"  Sorry, but I start to smile. I can feel that smile turning into a laugh that I am trying desperately to swallow. It's not working...I look at Husband whose eyes are bugging out of his head like they'd flipped the switch on the electric chair. Hmmm....come to think of it...

"Fucking A I felt something." He looks at me...wild eyed. He can see the smile on my face that I am trying to chew back from the inside and laughs with me. Thank God. 

"Son of a Bitch! Maybe I should turn this fucker down!" Duh! Do you think...

"Well, at least you know it works." I am smirking sheepishly. "Maybe you should try it again?"
I know...that's mean.

But he did it.

"Yup. I think I know which dial not to turn now." Good deal.

Hopefully this contraption will help. He goes to the Physical Therapist on Wednesday and we have absolutely no idea what will happen. I am stifling a guffaw as I type this. I am reliving the moment.

This thing might come in handy.  Later...........

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