Don't worry...be happy!
I have mixed feelings today. I am still profoundly sad...I am pushing to think happy thoughts...I am melancholy...I feel semi-productive...I feel...crappy and kind of pissed...sorry...I actually planned a better evening for me and Husband...but things changed. That's some of the crappy part. Actually...more of the pissed part...but maybe it was for a reason. Unknown as yet.
Husband had a plan for the day allegedly starting around noon but that all went to hell. Unfortunately for him. So his day started at 8:45 this morning (don't even go there...mine begins at the crack of 6-7 am)...and ended at 6:30 this evening. OH!! Wait a second! We were supposed eat the the corned beef that 'I' cooked today with some friends!! Well that didn't happen! Son of a bitch - shit!! Consequently, I supplemented my cereal supper with Peeps.
But here is why I am happy! (Can you believe it!! Me!! Happy!!) I got some stuff done and mailed off...and some more stuff is sitting here waiting for me...to do. God knows I'm too tired tonight to care...but 'stuff' is ready...to do! Yes...that's what made me happy...oh ye of little faith!
Anyway...I have been doing a lot of thinking. Danger. Danger.
I think I have lived a long life. And for the most part...a happy life. Would I change things?? Sure I would! (I'm not an idiot!!) Would I go back in time to change things....hmmmm...maybe. I mean yes.
But I have many happy thoughts. At least enough happy thoughts to make me leave this world with a happy heart. Today anyway. I whine, I bitch, I whine...we all know that. But today I reflected on just how short life really is.
I used to think I needed to live just to find things out. You know..."need to know things'. Like...
....if OJ would be found guilty
....if Michael Jackson was a pedophile
....if we would have a _____ as a president
....if I could correctly install an ink cartridge in my printer
....if I would ever fit into jeans that were not the same length as the waist size
....if I would ever eat bull balls
....if I would ever want to eat bull balls
....if I would ever marry someone who enjoyed eating bull balls
....if I would ever tire of the term....bull balls
....if I would ever read War and Peace
....if I would ever cut out the inside pages of War and Peace to fit a pistol in it
....if I would ever own both Boardwalk and Park Place at the same time
....etc. etc. etc.
I have decided these 'needs' are now incidental. I am on the official countdown. Today I have set a few goals. The big goal is July 1. It's a secret. I am happy with it. It's a personal goal. Not financial or materialistic. Personal.
But I won't be worrying about things anymore. I stress out about things. And for what? Nothing I tell ya...nothing. I have always said I wake up in a new world every day....and now I really will. I do wake up happy every morning. Other people ruin the mood by pissing me off.
I mean this. And I am starting right this very minute. I have done what I wanted to tonight (Peeps) so tomorrow I will come home and do what I need to do. Put an 'X' on the calendar till July 1.
Have a great night. I am.
b
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